MEMORANDUM_20651012

State of New York

Department of Wildlife Management

October 12, 2065

[Y] Internal Memorandum 

[N] Public Release

Megafloral Hazard Assessment and Resource Guide

The New York Department of Wildlife Management in conjunction with Columbia University’s School of New Biology has assembled this primer as a reference for city operations professionals and government officials in state and local jurisdictions. The unique and ever-changing biome of New York City presents challenges that demand rigorous training and a comprehensive understanding of megafloral hazards. Our objective is to anticipate and mitigate these risks, such that we may preserve the productivity, livability, sustainability, and proud spirit of our nation’s greatest city.

Notes for All Government Employees

The following points have been approved for limited distribution to New York State employees at the discretion of departmental directors:

• Do not respond to public questions regarding megaflora on social media, in person, or over the phone. Ignore such questions whenever possible. As needed, refer inquiring members of the public to recent releases by your department. 
• Individual written requests from members of the public for comment on megafloral affairs are acceptable, but must be forwarded to the Directors of Public Health and Bioinformational Security. 
• Ongoing research at Columbia New Biology has not shown a link between megafloral exposure and any of the following medical conditions: cancer, psychosis, blindness, and eczema. Common allergenic reactions are recognized as legitimate and can be treated similarly to pollen allergies, including by wearing a face mask in Hazard Areas C through F. 
• Dissemination of conspiracy theories regarding incomplete or unproven research on megaflora will not be tolerated among government employees at any level and may serve as grounds for termination. This includes origin theories. 

Delineation of Hazard Areas

The real-time online map of megafloral Hazard Areas can be accessed by select state employees via the SSO associated with their .gov email accounts. Online delineations in all five boroughs and Nassau County will be updated on a weekly basis or more frequently, as determined by the Department of Wildlife Management. Do not screenshot or otherwise distribute the real-time map in any form. Printable public maps will be distributed quarterly via the Department of Public Health, and paper notices will also be posted at those times. Delineation strategies for Suffolk and Westchester Counties will be determined when Hazard Level B activity is confirmed by Wildlife teams in those regions. Delineation strategies for other states are beyond the scope of this document. 

Hazard Area Definitions

1. Nominal Conditions — Two or fewer separate zones of subsurface greening and two or fewer confirmed weekly megafloral encounters per acre.
2. Minimal Encroachment — At least three separate zones of subsurface greening and/or as many as five confirmed weekly megafloral encounters per acre. 
3. Intermittent Encroachment — Up to ten confirmed weekly megafloral encounters per acre, and/or as many as two weekly deaths attributed to megaflora by a state-licensed coroner within an acre. 
4. Robust Encroachment — Greater than 50% subsurface greening and/or up to five weekly deaths attributed to megaflora by a state-licensed coroner within an acre.
5. Counterdominance — Greater than 80% subsurface greening within an acre. 
6. Uninhabitable — Fully counterdominant areas being starved for future rehabilitation. 

These definitions are not for public release. A simple grading system showing only hazard icons A through F has been deemed sufficient for use in public notices and maps by the Department of Bioinformational Security. 

In accordance with Department of Commerce policies, travel by members of the public between all Hazard Areas may not be restricted, including into and out of counterdominant or uninhabitable areas. Hazard Level notices are not to be removed, except when being updated quarterly by Wildlife teams. Individuals found to have illegitimately removed or tampered with Hazard Level notices may be subject to fines of up to $250 or 10 hours mandatory enlistment in Wildlife weeding services. 

Notes for MTA and Other Underground Employees

The nominally subterranean growth environment of megaflora presents additional risks and challenges in occupied subsurface environments. In the interest of continuing the reliable function of MTA subway lines, many new policies, roles, and resources have been granted via the 2058 City Degreening Assistance Act and funded by the liquidation of the former New York City Police Department. These new changes are outlined at greater length on the MTA website, but the following select internal notes have been assembled and/or elaborated for reference by employees who work full- or part-time underground hours. 

• Due to the intricate nature of subsurface buildings and tunnels, the New York City subway network is not subject to Hazard Area classification. False attempts by anyone to classify the Hazard Level of MTA property are punishable by fines of up to $250 or 10 hours mandatory enlistment in Wildlife weeding services. Graffiti within the subway that emphasizes the letter “F” will be treated as false Hazard classification. 
• Trains will no longer stop or reverse direction for megaflora on the tracks. As of June 1st, trains on all subway lines are equipped with forward and rear mechanical high-velocity trimmers. These trimmers cannot function when the train is not in motion. As trimmer-equipped trains approach, standing clear of platform edges matters more than ever. 
• Stationary brushes remain in place at all subway platform tunnel entrances to clear megaflora and debris from the sides, roof, and undercarriage of arriving trains. Do not trim, clean, or replace a stationary brush until its area has been sprayed by Wildlife teams.
• Emergency service alarm terminals in all subway stations now allow waiting subway riders to report megaflora encounters from their platforms where cellular service may be unavailable. Following such a report, trains will not stop at the given station until a Wildlife response team has cleared the area. 
• In the rare event of a megafloral incursion into a subway car, emergency onboard sprayers may be activated. Doors between all subway cars on a train will lock if a sprayer activates. All doors connected to the affected subway car will remain locked until a Public Health team has sanitized the car of all megafloral and other biological remains. 
• Littering within MTA property is punishable by fines of up to $250 or 10 hours mandatory enlistment in Wildlife weeding services. Columbia New Biology research has shown a correlation between human food waste and megaflora encounters. In addition to being illegal, leaving food for rats is inadvisable as a means of diverting the attention of megaflora. Research has not suggested that megaflora show predatory preference for rats over any larger vertebrates. 

Megafloral Hazard Typology

Columbia New Biology’s studies of megafloral phenotypes are ongoing, and significant regional variety exists between distinct growths in counterdominant Hazard Areas. However, the following common forms of megaflora are widely recognized and represent the vast majority of megaflora encounter reports.

• Rootlings are harmless webs of roving, microscopic megafloral roots, sometimes spanning entire city blocks underground. Their deep-green color is responsible for the greening phenomenon, by which vestigial chlorophyl is excreted from young megafloral tissues. Columbia New Biology has only confirmed the existence of megaflora that grow from Rootlings. 
• Weedlings are slow white urchin-like megaflora that travel by rolling across flat surfaces. Encounters with Weedlings are suspected to be greatly under-reported, as most people do not view them as a threat. The common practice of kicking, burning, or stepping on Weedlings is not sanctioned by any New York governmental department. Columbia New Biology is investigating whether those actions may accelerate the spread of Rootlings from dead Weedlings. 
• Scumflowers are dangerous megaflora that range in size from that of a rat to a large domestic feline. Their yellowish tissues form structures that resemble long leaves or tentacles, but function as capable limbs. Scumflowers are named for their toothy flowerlike heads, which lack eyes but respond to low-pitch sounds. Scumflowers present their greatest threat to pets and small children. 
• Dangerines are orange megaflora that traverse and hang from overhead surfaces. They drop a toxic fruit that bursts on impact, releasing a foul citrus odor that can incapacitate an adult in seconds. Dangerine vines are known to lift and digest unconscious prey of almost any size. 
• Doomatoes are red snakelike megaflora that conceal their size and length by squeezing into small spaces. They often coil into a dense ball shape and can travel by bouncing or rolling. Doomatoes envelop the heads of their prey and enter their mouths to consume them from within. While most Doomato attacks are ambushes, some individuals have been hunted by groups of Doomatoes that bounce faster than an average adult’s running speed. 
• Trunkards are large, branched megaflora covered in thick layers of brown barklike armor. Their lumbering gait typically produces enough sound to ward off vigilant bystanders, but a single Trunkard limb can swing with enough force to bludgeon any prey. In tunnels, they are the only megaflora that still present some threat to subway operations. Trunkards feed by absorbing the blood of their mutilated prey through their bark.
• Werewolfsbane are an anecdotally-reported form of rare megaflora that have not been directly studied. They are believed to be dark in color, have facial structures resembling snail eyes, and may be responsible for unusual sound recordings seen on social media. Any threat that they present is unknown. 

The Department of Bioinformational Security has issued the following statement to accompany this list, although it has not been endorsed by Columbia New Biology:

“Sensational and fabricated media gossip fed by unreliable research has overstated megaflora dangers to humans. New York City’s population decline in the past three decades is in line with global degrowth statistics, and is as likely a cause of megaflora encroachment as a consequence of it. Contrary assertions by ill-informed parties should not be trusted. These are the same out-of-state puppets that have recently invented false reports of obsidian-black humanoid megaflora that can mimic human vocalizations. ‘Werewolfsbane’ is yet another outrageous and unfounded conspiracy theory meant to discredit New York State government and incite public panic. Fearmongering over these insidious rumors benefits no one but the commercial interests of Connecticut and New Jersey.” 

Final Notes

The New York City Parks Department has mailed reminders to all city residents that no serious megaflora encounter has yet been reported in a sunny outdoor environment. Following the success of this summer’s “Peace in the Park” campaign, the popularity of city greenspaces has reached an all-time high. Unprecedented public donations have now allowed the expansion of three parks and the permitting of two new year-round greenhouse spaces.

Parks reminds city residents that although the darker and colder months ahead do herald an annual increase in megaflora attacks, spending regular time outdoors has positive impacts on mental well-being. Furthermore, none of the gorgeous native plants in New York City’s parks have ever eaten a human being. 

Pending future addenda, this concludes the Megafloral Hazard Assessment and Resource Guide. Please do not copy or distribute. Violators may be subject to unspecified lengths of mandatory enlistment in Wildlife weeding services.